There is a tale of a mother and daughter that speaks of the heroine’s journey – a woman’s path back to wholeness. It’s as old as human nature, and it’s so very relevant at this time.
In Ancient Greece this story gets embodied through the roles of Demeter, goddess of the harvest, and Persephone, goddess of spring who ultimately takes her place as the queen of the underworld. You may have learned about these women in grade school.
But why do they matter so much right now? And what are the deeper teachings for women at this time?
Throughout history the sacred feminine has worn (and been given) many faces – the goddess, the demon. The angel, the witch. The virgin, the whore. The mother, the maiden. The queen ruling nations from her place in the tall tower, the baba yaga who tends the subtle realms from the edge of the forest. Polar opposites… or so it seems.
But the simple truth is… we are all of these women. Each and every one of us has multiple roles to play in this human lifetime.
And when we polarize ourselves (that is, swing one direction and ignore, reject or even hate the other side of our true and full nature) we are bound to hit a ceiling in who we can become.
Because nothing is wasted. Everything is needed. Especially at this time.
Consider Persephone – innocent maiden, invited (or tricked?) by Hades to visit the underworld. Consider the moment she said yes. Did she know that she was making a deal that would ultimately change her fate? Did she guess that it would be difficult to come back?
Did I know, when I joined a cult-like organization to study my own sensual and sexual nature in my early thirties that it would be difficult to come back? Of course. Some part of me not only knew… but was starving to have an experience I couldn’t understand, control, master or predict. I wanted to be taken beyond the ‘ordinary’.
It is part of my wild, untamed and irrationally feminine nature. And while it’s easy to see Persephone (the victimized daughter who must be saved from the clutches of the God of the Underworld) and Demeter (her wise, committed and courageous mother who dives into the depths and helps to bring her home again) as two very different beings, the truth is they are simply two sides of a single coin.
In shamanic terms – we play every role in the ceremony.
We, the daughters who made mistakes, faced our own darkness and even potential demise, become the mothers, aunties, grandmothers and guides who have learned
And if in our older years we forget – that our mistakes made us who we are today. That the pain we faced in our maiden years is an emotional alchemical echo of the women in our lineage who came both before and after us. Then we run the risk of re-caging ourselves in the name of safety. Security. Or certainty.
Which are never really a given.
Are they?
Perhaps Persephone chose to play this role to help her mother remember who she really is at heart: the masterful Phoenix who knows how to rise.
Perhaps Persephone – like a delicate caged bird who realized, in fact, she was a Phoenix, chose to be kidnapped, burned, resurrected, and ultimately take flight again with greater power, courage and wisdom. Perhaps this is the nature of fire. And it’s the nature – one part of the nature – of the feminine spirit.
And whether you find your fiery wings in the boardroom or the bedroom or both, you are bound to reclaim strengths, gifts and superpowers along the way.
Conversely the path of denying these harder to tame parts of ourselves can lead to the symptoms so many of us middle-aged women are facing today:
- Burnout
-
Shut down
-
Disappointment
-
Victimization
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Betrayal
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Meaninglessness
-
Boredom
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Exhaustion
You may have noticed that the harder you try to avoid replicating the feelings that speak of your intergenerational trauma, and resist falling into the behaviors it calls forth… that the tighter, dryer, harder and more narrow your life becomes. Or… the louder these urges eventually get.
Your shadow cannot be released. It can only be integrated.
Going beyond the two poles of the mother-daughter game means seeing yourself in her. And her in you. And loving the both of you the same.
And so, on this Mother’s Day weekend, I offer you a single pomegranate seed. An invitation to dive deeper into feminine nature and to face your own wilder, darker, scarier, unknown or unmanageable sides.
Rather than witness your daughters and younger counterparts from the outside as they face their inevitable struggles, take a moment to experience them as a mirror,
A gift,
A teacher.
Risk considering your own perfectly fallible nature. Dive into your own well.
for the sake of your own becoming.
Take it into Practice: The Mother-Daughter Game
For Mothers – If you are a mother, auntie or guide for younger women, I invite you to risk facing one facet of your own ‘dark side’ this week. Is there a piece of trauma that you tucked (or stuffed away!) years ago that you know still festers somewhere under the surface? Did you make (or do you regularly make) a particular kind of mistake that’s hard for you to forgive? Is there a deeper, wilder, moodier, riskier part of yourself that might want to get out of the cage?
- Set a timer and pick a song that represents the feeling or self you’ve been keeping at bay. Close the door. Don’t think about it. Just do something. Lie back, listen, feel and let your mind wander freely. Stand up, shake, dance, move. Jump around. Make a sound. Yell. Sing cry. Freeze. Do nothing. It’s ok. Just face it and try to feel.
- Then grab a piece of paper or a journal and write. Write anything you are thinking, feeling, realizing, or moving through. If nothing comes just write I am resisting… and describe what’s happening in your body and in your mind now. Do this for 5-10 minutes then pause, rest and feel.
For Daughters – If you are a daughter, I invite you to work with the wiles of your ‘victimhood’ story this week. Explore the parts of yourself that get pulled, consciously or unconsciously, into the underworld. Open your heart and your mind to the potential for greater empowerment and integration.
- Set a timer and choose your topic. With a friend, or out loud while facing yourself in the mirror, speak all of the things you try not to say out loud. Complain, rage, name what you’re mad about. Then say out loud all of those judgments you have of yourself – regrets, how you see yourself as a result of what happened. Breath. Feel your body.
- Then put on a song that captures how you feel and dance, sing, shake, rage or cry it out. Do this for 5-10 minutes then pause, rest and feel.
And if you’re both… take your pick!
Witnessing you.
Does this resonate? Practice notes below. And Join the Guts & Grace app and get 3 Months of Practice for FREE. Let’s do this together.
