Embracing your Inner Fire

I recently onboarded a client who said she had tucked away her fire.

For many of us, it makes sense. Growing up, for example, in a household where emotions ran hot, the safest strategy may have been to turn your own heat down.

And if "fire" is a part of your true nature, you may have also found out early in your career that there was just no good place for it at work.

There's just one problem with this turn-it-down strategy...

Like Brené Brown says in her landmark TED Talk on vulnerability – you can’t selectively numb.

When you turn away from your fire, your anger, or your passion, and numb it “with a beer and a banana nut muffin” you end up losing access to other things that you may NEED and WANT along the way.

Including:

• Your passion.
• Your excitement.
• Your joy.
• Your charisma.
• Your creativity.
• Your capacity to ignite yourself, and to create momentum in your community.

Here's another scenario: Some of my clients shut down their fire not as an antidote to emotions running wild, but in response to a fear of failure.

For example: I’m not going to get excited about this now – because what if it doesn’t come to fruition??

What if it doesn’t?

But what if it does?

Maybe it seems a bit obvious to our grown-up minds. There's probably a downside here.

But our YOUNGER parts tend to be less rational – even when we’re highly accomplished leaders or successful business women. And sometimes, they still run the show.

These parts of ourselves operate on such simple terms:

Failure is bad.

Safety is good.

And if I get excited… I might get let down.

Not to mention, the sensation of fire – excitement, aliveness, passion – in the body or the spirit can feel terrifying. Electric. Consuming.

And that… Can be a lot.

What if I’m too much? What if people don’t respond well? What if I don’t know what to do with all of this energy if I finally let myself feel it?

It's possible this will happen. BUT, it might be worth it to find out.

The truth is, you may actually need some level of rehabilitation, healing or guidance to fully know and embody your capacity to wield that much fire well.

Fire does consume. It can burn things to the ground.

Sometimes it’s hard to turn off an ignition switch that gets turned on.

My clients who have a GREAT relationship with their inner fire – i.e. aren’t scared of it, and can let themselves be taken by it to the height of their creativity, contribution or craft – sometimes also find themselves burning the candle at both ends, or even burning out.

So our wariness isn’t wrong.

It's a good instinct. It’s just not a good enough reason to completely hold back...

Especially when you consider the costs.

When we over-contain, stuff, numb, or hold our fire down, the unfortunate truth is that it often finds ways to create destruction below our level of perception. Like a slow burn, it takes its toll: sometimes to our health, sometimes to our relationships, sometimes on our careers.

And we may not even realize it's happening until there is a lot of cleanup to do.

From my perspective as a coach, supporting today's women to learn about, connect with, stoke, manage, relate to, and understand our inner fire is of the utmost importance for both our personal growth and evolution, and our ultimate leadership success.

A woman who has mastered her fire has the kind of range, power and personal freedom that we trust in a great leader. She can wield inspiration, charisma, passion, and excitement in a way that inspires others to want to follow along.

Of course, she also needs to know how to turn it down when the moment isn’t right.

But this is a subtle practice, not a sweeping generalization. And living in the nuance of the benefits and costs of fire is an ancient art that I believe is worth preserving. Tending. And passing down.

Just curious, what is your relationship with fire?

• Consider the fire in your belly.
• Yourself as a firecracker or fire-starter.
• Firing on all throttles.
• Fiery rage. Anger. Destruction.
• The fire of passion or love.

How could you tend, stoke, or gently tame your fire this week?

And how would that improve your leadership?

Ignite your impact?

Advance your career?

This week I dare you to play with fire - for the sake of everything you care about.

There are hundreds of flavors of fire. None are right or wrong. Some may (or may not) be for you. If you like me and you like to dance (or just take inspiration from music), you can check out this FIERY PLAYLIST (on Spotify) to get the juices flowing.

Dance your curiosity. Jog your curiosity. Kick box or swim your curiosity.

There’s no telling what doors will open...

And there’s literally no way to do it wrong.