The Shadow of Independence

What is your relationship with independence?

Before you read on, I invite you to take 30 seconds, grab a piece of paper, and jot down a few words, sentences or phrases. Let’s co-create this reflection together, shall we?  

On independence.

When I first considered writing this email, it honestly felt a bit too cliché.

Not just because it’s Independence Day weekend, but because the perspective I knew that I was longing to share isn’t new. It’s just that we haven’t fully embodied it.

These days, it’s not uncommon to come across a critique of radical independence – to call out the flaws of doing things ‘all by ourselves’ and point fingers at those who make decisions (at home, at work, and in politics) that fail to account for the needs of a broader group of stakeholders beyond those at the ‘top.’

The extent to which our modern, Western societies have been built upon an over reliance on independence is the elephant in the room. And even when we name it, we’re not necessarily sure what to do next.  

I believe that independence – liberation, sovereignty, freedom – is a beautiful thing. Yet just as in the expression of any other strength or value: when overused, it casts a shadow.

In fact, at the dawn of Western civilization, Aristotle brought us the concept of phronesis – practical wisdom – the “virtue of virtues,” calling for balance and harmony as we exercise our self-expression in bringing ANY other value to life.

Fast forward to the founding of our own United States of America, a great country with equally great flaws, born out of a resistance to over connectivity (and even oppression), birthed through a striving for sovereignty that has become both the passion and the poison that flows through our veins.  

And, as we perpetuate a culture of ‘progress’ that much of the rest of the world both looks up to or envies AND either questions or distains, we have helped to set up a worldwide game in which the most independent ones win…

Or do they?

Just what is the problem with independence today?

First the obvious: some of us have taken this ethic to an extreme, becoming our own version of the oppression we were resisting all along. Right?

But who are those few?

And what about the rest of us?

The truth is, it’s not so simple. Independence is so completely baked into the fabric of our existence that the nuances can be nearly impossible to see. And even harder to disrupt.

The truth is MOST of us… I daresay, even those who are actively working to dismantle oppressive structures and restore a balance of collective accountability and care, may still run programs of radical independence in some domain of our lives, some part of our psyches or some facets of our daily behavior.

It’s the water we swim in. And it’s difficult to see ourselves.

If we look deeply enough, however, and dare to question our own paradigms of certainty, safety and belonging, we may find there is a LOT still to learn.

Certainly, I include myself in this reflection: as a business owner, as a community member, and as a friend.

And lately, as I continue to peel back the layers of my own resistance to change, I have seen the ways it prevents me from fully showing up for a necessary collective transformation, that underscores the work I am here to do.

 I will share my own example here:

As a small business owner who serves a multitude of fairly powerful constituents, I can have a tendency to keep my challenges close to the vest. Since our team is small, our broader network consists primarily of clients, with whom I fear it would not make sense to reveal the inner workings (especially the shadow) of this organization which they have come to know, love and trust.

But lately, there is an unprecedented level of transformation being asked of me – energetic, psychic and tactical – in order to create the new products, systems and community structures required to keep up with the market and the changing times.

I have not seen myself as “hiding” or “doing it by myself”out of ego, righteousness or proving. If anything, the opposite. In fact, I see myself as a fairly feminine, connected, and community-oriented being. And compared to many, I’m fairly willing to make mistakes. Yet it has felt like my duty to keep my commitments (including and especially those that have proven to be difficult to fulfill) and at the same time to do what it takes to evolve our culture to the next level of consciousness at this time.

Yet my work is much greater than the size of my business. And my own human body, and the bodies of my few team members – skillful and strong as we may be – may not be able to create a wide enough container through which to run the force of the change.

Recently, I am beginning to risk a different approach. As an experiment, I spoke simply and directly about some of the challenges and shadows of this organization at a gathering of clients and alumni, which also included a new potential hire.

To my surprise, everyone leaned in. Rather than instigate a pulling back or mistrust, the respect and commitment for the business grew.

While my mind would have told myself that this typeof strategy could work, my body wasn’t truly ready for the risk until now.

Perhaps… this is the power of the collective. Perhaps…this is the new paradigm.

For example, psychological literature on mental health demonstrates strong connections between interdependence – within friendships, communities, relationships, family – and wellbeing. Research on healing after a traumatic event happens faster and more comprehensively when done in a group.

And during the COVID pandemic, research suggested that female heads of state were both more likely to take a broader group of stakeholders into account in policy decisions, and also more likely to succeed in successfully containing the spread of disease.

In the healing of trauma and delivery of collective change through movement work, we know that more people are required to move the energy and shift the culture of bigger systems.

While it may seem like keeping the problem small and close to the vest is the safer and more practical approach, taking the risk to include a broader group of stakeholders maybe necessary to untangle the knots and evolve our businesses, families, departments, programs, products, communities, pollical parties at this stage in the game.

So, in the spirit of collaborative learning, here are a few questions for you as I complete this reflection for now:

• Where, when and how do you resist ‘opening up the vest’ and/or including others in your problem solving, decision making right now? [Consider: at home, at work, in your volunteerism, in your community.]
• What could be possible if you took a risk to include more, rather than fewer, stakeholders?
• How would you do it?
• When could you start?

If this reflection resonates, I dare you to take one new and counterintuitive action this week – in any domain of your life – that risks your independent significance in service of a meaningful collective breakthrough.

I also invite you to pay it forward by sharing with another colleague, friend, leader or business owner you know.

Let’s leverage the spirit of this holiday weekend to consider our evolving relationship with both independence and connection.

May it open a door to new possibilities in the months to come.

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