Things are about to get interesting… are you ready for a ride?
Twenty twenty-four was a year that asked me to take an even stronger stand for my values. Perhaps you can relate? I’m now finding that it’s no longer viable – viscerally – for me to let myself off the hook. I believe it is a good thing. But it isn’t easy.
The truth is: I lost a few dear friends and a few favorite clients over the course of last year. It saddens me. And it is refining me.
One of the reasons it happened is that I dared to speak my truth. I cannot say I did it perfectly. In some cases, it may have been too harsh, too much or too soon. And in others, it might have actually been too little too late. In all cases it was uncomfortable. And it most cases, despite the loss, I don’t regret it.
You see, part of my truth at this historic moment in time is that I am no longer interested in transmitting the energetic of polarity.
In other words: one side is 100% right and one side is 100% wrong.
In my own deep study of leadership, somatics, and spiritual growth I have spent the last two decades researching – body, mind and spirit – the power of the “and.” I have invested time, energy and relationship capital exploring a third way that calls me to unplug from what I think I know without a shadow of a doubt, and to sit squarely in the shadow where I dare to face my own righteousness.
To disbelieve what I’m sure I know.
To risk seeing myself as part of the problem.
To dare to be (at least partly) wrong.
What’s been the most surprising? The fact that some of the friendships that broke down last year were with the people I thought I had the most in common with: politically, values-wise, and in consciousness.
What’s been the most challenging? The process of releasing my attachment to the identity of being one of the “Good Guys” in favor of being a Bridge.
If you’ve known me only as long as the Guts & Grace brand, you probably don’t know the details of my back story. When I was 25 years old, I would’ve called myself an activist. I would happily take a strong (and in some cases even violent) stand for justice of many kinds… I would stand against the world, or anyone who dared to disagree.
What I’ve come to understand is just how deep my addiction to my own victimization ran.
I was a mercenary. Whether fighting for myself or someone else, I received SO MUCH energy and power from the thrill of the fight that it was hard to walk away. And inside it was killing me.
As I continue to walk my own path of leadership and self-discovery, I’ve come to recognize that the energetic of warfare lives my bones. I’m right, you’re wrong. And if you don’t agree that you’re wrong, you’re going down.
You are the perpetrator. I am the victim.
And you owe me for that.
You must see it my way, or you must go.
And how could it not? The culture we’ve all grown up in steeped us in this practice. We have f*@ked up, and we have been f*@ked. The atrocities both we, and they, have committed should warrant a fight to the death. But is that actually what we want?? And if not… who will dare to put their weapons down and dissolve the old paradigm first?
As I continue to deepen in my spiritual and body-based practices, I am less and less able to tolerate this vibration in my own nervous system. And perhaps out of sheer exhaustion, I am finally finding a glimmer of freedom.
My recent practice has been to replace it all with a tenuous curiosity – and with a wide loving field that you might call inclusion.
It sounds cute. But the truth is, it doesn’t actually make me popular. Because if we are the helpless victims, and they are the bullying perpetrators, well then someone like me will not fit in your box.
The other truth is, it’s exceptionally hard to do authentically.
Like walking a tightrope, it’s a radical balancing act that asks for impeccable self-awareness and un-waivering faith. That there is a god. That love is worth it. And that we are in this together.
I can tell you that it doesn’t mean setting no boundaries. Real boundaries and true sovereignty are absolutely necessary for our physical and mental health at this time of great dissonance.
I can also tell you that this practice is not the same as falling into a state of unconsciousness around racism, sexism, religion-based hate crimes or political divides. It's not simply my own racism or white ignorance that doesn't get what's happening in the system inside and around me. (Though I do have blind spots, and I continue to face them again and again). These realities absolutely exist, and there is much work to be done here – for me and for all of us – to create meaningful change.
What it is, however, is an unwavering commitment to learn how not to replicate or perpetuate the violence. It is a conscious, embodied practice of divesting in the paradigm of victimhood in any form that condones inhumane behavior toward the “other side.” It's a practice with a very steep learning curve. And it is worth it.
When I look back over the course of my twenty-year career, I see the breadcrumbs. see This kind of leadership is what I’ve been training for over a lifetime. And probably, I’ve only scratched the surface so far.
I see now that it’s a life path for me. It isn’t for the faint of heart. And I see now why it’s needed.
if you are interested in practicing this type of leadership together, I invite you to keep in touch. Follow my social accounts, check out our trainings on full-bodied feminine leadership, and reach out if you need support.
2025 is going to be a very interesting year.
I’m committed to showing up and doing what I can to help.
From my heart,
